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Withdrawal is well and truly kicking in (duloxetine has a ridiculously short half-life and is apparently worse than others to quit). I have spent most of today asleep, because I basically couldn't move. So, so tired.

Of course this brings the dreams. This one was one of the odder type where you wake up for a few minutes but keep going back to it every time you fall asleep. The same dream, without a break in the chain.

I was in a hospital on the banks of what was supposed to be Loch Lomond (no idea what that's like in reality, but that's where it was meant to be). I'm not sure if it was a regular hospital or, well, a mental health hospital, but I didn't seem to be there against my will.

I know I was very ill, but what I remember most about the dream is sitting by a window and watching the loch, and seals playing in the water. It was totally relaxed and peaceful and just... lovely.

As opposed to the turmoil in the waking world. My mind is chaotically worried about my job and the fact that I might lose it. On the other hand, I'm nowhere near well enough to do my job, so losing it is very likely.

I wish I really could just sit and watch seals frolicking in the water. Life isn't like that, though. Not for anyone.

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kerriesakura: (Default)

I am sick and tired of vertigo, and all the other stuff that keeps happening with it. I don't know how wise it is but I just want to feel better, so I've booked in to see an osteopath. They can try neck things and jaw things and repositioning things. So yes.

Fed up with this now. Need to not be broken.

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kerriesakura: (Default)
Health update. This bit cut for nightmare stuff )

Vertigo isn't too snazzy at the minute either. I'm going to blame the weather, as it's getting cooler and cold weather sets it going like a monkey with a miniature cymbal. I thought for sure flying at the weekend would completely knacker my ears but it didn't seem to make the slightest difference - two incidents where it was freezing cold resulted in wooziness though. Looks like it's a winter of hats and earmuffs again, then. I don't mind this, especially not hats because hats are ace, but obviously I'd rather NOT have a condition triggered by cold weather while living in a province with Northern in its name.

Mood's alright. Energy needs more caffeine to stay decent than it did before, which is unsatisfactory. Eh. It could be better, but it could be a hell of a lot worse.
kerriesakura: (Default)

I'm in Manchester airport. One day early. I've had to go home early because I'm very sick and I just couldn't stay any longer.

Temperature, cough, muscle pain, stuffed-up feeling all present and correct. I walked up Becky's stairs this morning and by the top was out of breath. My chest hurts so much. It hurts to laugh and coughing is agony.

I've got a code number thing for tamiflu. Brilliant. Shouldn't technically be out and about (if the airport knew they'd probably throw a fit) but I need to get home.

And yes it was expensive but much worse than that, I feel really guilty for all the trouble I've caused everyone. Ugh. Breathing hurts. Just want to be home.

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I am burnt out. Totally. So tired right now I can't even sleep. And I know it's going to be that awful sleep where you crash but don't dream and the cycles are all messed up and it is not at all refreshing.

Room smells of lavender. Relaxy sounds going on shortly. Going to see if I can book in for a massage tomorrow... My shoulders aaaache. Need something to untangle all these knots. I am looking forward to Edinburgh and Manchester so much, but I need to do very little this weekend!

Basically I've done the classic pushing against myself until the holiday and then just collapsed in a pile at the end. So much ranting to come in this lj now I'm afraid... Now that I don't have to hold in my work frustration and can delete them before I go back.

Need unwinding. Yarg

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Kerrie Sakura

July 2010

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