I feel a little insane writing this, mostly because I'm worrying about what other people think of me. What else is new?
Is it insane though that I feel more like myself than I have done in a couple of years because I have the hockey bug again? Is it crazy that some part of me needs this damn game in order to be happy?
It's not that I stopped loving it, it's that I stopped having time for it. That has the change; that's why I have weekends.
Hockey has an effect on me that I find hard to explain and always have, like it's wrong somehow and I love it more than I'm allowed to. But when I'm immersed in it then it's the best feeling in the world. It makes everything else go away for a while. It's a pure escapism that I had totally forgotten, and now I wonder how I ever forgot something like that.
Everyone says that you shouldn't define yourself by external things, but it feels like this is part of who I am. Hockey's my thing. I've missed it terribly, but now it feels like remembering who I am.
That sounds so much like I'm putting too much into it, doesn't it? Well all I can say is, everyday life goes on and it has to be dealt with. You have to find something else to uplift you. And there it is. It's back, baby. And me with it.
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