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Sep. 17th, 2009 12:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kerriesakuraI'm being murdered in my sleep again. Let joy be unconfined. Still in vivid detail, yes. I found a new trigger for it, which is where I think set them off again: animated violence. I did wonder if I'd be able to get away with anime which likes to gore the place up a bit sometimes, but alas. Obviously it still has to be "realistic" - I'm not saying watching Tom & Jerry will send the heebiejeebies dancing through my brain, but anything stylised and grown-up will. This is why my watching Evangelion all the way through again failed. I can't. Christ only knows what THAT clusterfuck would trigger.
The thing that I'm curious about is where on earth in the depths of my brain this violence is hiding. Where's it getting such vivid pictures from? What's fuelling them? The obvious candidates are anger and/or fear, but I haven't had an excess of either lately. I wish I understood where they're starting from. If I've dealt with so much past horror already, why are they still here? Tricksy infuriating things.
Vertigo isn't too snazzy at the minute either. I'm going to blame the weather, as it's getting cooler and cold weather sets it going like a monkey with a miniature cymbal. I thought for sure flying at the weekend would completely knacker my ears but it didn't seem to make the slightest difference - two incidents where it was freezing cold resulted in wooziness though. Looks like it's a winter of hats and earmuffs again, then. I don't mind this, especially not hats because hats are ace, but obviously I'd rather NOT have a condition triggered by cold weather while living in a province with Northern in its name.
Mood's alright. Energy needs more caffeine to stay decent than it did before, which is unsatisfactory. Eh. It could be better, but it could be a hell of a lot worse.
The thing that I'm curious about is where on earth in the depths of my brain this violence is hiding. Where's it getting such vivid pictures from? What's fuelling them? The obvious candidates are anger and/or fear, but I haven't had an excess of either lately. I wish I understood where they're starting from. If I've dealt with so much past horror already, why are they still here? Tricksy infuriating things.
Vertigo isn't too snazzy at the minute either. I'm going to blame the weather, as it's getting cooler and cold weather sets it going like a monkey with a miniature cymbal. I thought for sure flying at the weekend would completely knacker my ears but it didn't seem to make the slightest difference - two incidents where it was freezing cold resulted in wooziness though. Looks like it's a winter of hats and earmuffs again, then. I don't mind this, especially not hats because hats are ace, but obviously I'd rather NOT have a condition triggered by cold weather while living in a province with Northern in its name.
Mood's alright. Energy needs more caffeine to stay decent than it did before, which is unsatisfactory. Eh. It could be better, but it could be a hell of a lot worse.
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Maybe there is hope
Date: 2009-09-24 09:34 am (UTC)I am asking because I have been ill -- physically and mentally -- since April (I'm much better now that I get proper treatment), and only recently it dawned to me that a lot of my symptoms just sounded like yours, and that was so frikken unlikely because I have been very happy and stable and healthy for years.
Re: Maybe there is hope
Date: 2009-09-24 10:26 am (UTC)It sounds like a thyroid condition and it's not. I know how that can go undetected but the doctor and I had a long talk about how it hides on tests and then did more tests. Negative. Hmph
on a happier note I am very happy you are still around!
Re: Maybe there is hope
Date: 2009-09-24 12:23 pm (UTC)Each doctor diagnosed something else, like food intolerance, migraine -- only these are not a diagnosis, just symptoms. My blood tests were fine, and as I look very healthy, tanned, and toned, I was told "this is all in my head", and several people suggested I go see a shrink.
I finally found a good homeopath who could tell right away this is heavy metal poisoning. Hair tests confirmed that I have mercury and aluminium poisoning. In April, I had gotten a tetanus/diphteria shot that contained the highly poisonous thiomersal (mercury and aluminum), as well as formaldehyd. Mercury is the 2nd most dangerous element -- right after plutonium, and we inject this into bodies! my homeopath thinks that many "insane" people in institutions actually have heavy metal poisoning, from their silver fillings, or from vaccines.
I also develloped a tumor in my left upper arm -- where I got the shot, due to the formaldehyd in the vaccine. It is illegal in furniture, but they inject it into muscles, where the body just can't handle it. I am not going to get conventional treatment for it -- chemo is poisoning, and I am already poisoned! Also, I certainly don't trust the people who caused this to help me heal it, especially not as long as they are in denial about the dangers of vaccines and amalgams. I will never ever ever ever get a vaccination again. They don't protect against anything, they only do harm. And there is no immunity against tetanus and diphteria -- both are caused by toxins, and the human body can't get immune to toxins. 70% of the people who do get tetanus have had proper vaccinations. I wish I had known what I know now before getting that shot.
Re: Maybe there is hope
Date: 2009-09-24 12:25 pm (UTC)I am now getting homoepathic remedies and antidotes, supplements, and I need to avoid certain things like sugar and caffeine. Caffeine stops the liver from working properly, and sugar makes the candida very unruly. If you have heavy metal poisoning, you also have candida, so do some research into that as well. Heavy metal poisoning is worse if you are a vegetarian and female.
Do read this
http://www.noamalgam.com/hairtestbook_mercurytox.htm
and if it remotely sounds familiar, do get tested for heavy metals.
Also, read Andrew Cuttler's book (he is the expert!) -- most of it is on google books for free. You will most likely not find a doctor who knows about this, so you must read it yourself, and then find a doctor who is willing to work with you.
Finally, your weight problems might at least partially caused by heavy metal poisoning. The body tries to store toxins like mercury in fat tissue so it can't do too much harm elsewhere, and only once you detox, you will start losing weight for real.
Re: Maybe there is hope
Date: 2009-09-24 12:35 pm (UTC)I had to change my diet from vegetarian to more animal proteins (not easy, very disgusting, but I want to get healthy again), and especially the fatigue still is a problem. In maybe 5 or 10 years, I will be healthy again. I am trying not to be pissed at the vaccine pushers, but the whole thing is a frikken crime against mankind. As is amalgam dentistry. First they make you sick, and then they get rich treating your cancer, alzheimers, and whatever.
Re: Maybe there is hope
Date: 2009-09-24 12:27 pm (UTC)http://www.noamalgam.com/hairtestbook_conditions.htm
Your problems might be caused by lead, aluminium, mercury, arsenic, or a combination of these.
Re: Maybe there is hope
Date: 2009-09-24 03:51 pm (UTC)Ha. Heavy metals and thyroid problems!