kerriesakura: (Default)

I have trouble getting to sleep. I'm exhausted but I'm keeping myself awake because the two worst parts of the day are while trying to get to sleep and just after waking up.

Waking up is like when Eddie Izzard tries to start an oldskool petrol lawnmower. ONE nananana no. TWO nanananana don't think so. It takes ages before I don't feel like I'm battling through a fog. And stuff hurts, too, first thing in the morning. Ugh.

Falling asleep, though, is strange and worrying. There's a stage between waking and sleeping where you have not-quite-dreams, and while the night-long dreams are pretty much gone ~touches wood~ I still have weird ones when I'm trying to drift off.

The first hour of deciding I can't stay awake any longer invariably involves waking up with a jump at least three times because I'm dreaming that I can't breathe, or that I'm dying, or being chased, OR. And those are usually middle of the night dreams, so I don't get it. Oh, and for a bonus, this is the time of day when muscles go all twitchy. Resting: it's hard earned.

When I'm asleep, I usually stay there the whole night through now. But getting there, christafuckinglive, is a deeply unpleasant journey.

My health is weird.

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I haven't been updating, no. All that's been happening lately is that my health has crashed even worse than usual. It's not depression this time, although I am starting to get awful melancholy.

I have been dizzy constantly for a week, as opposed to the intermittent spells I was suffering. Sleep and medication do nothing for it. I went to an ENT dude, he found no ENT reason for what was going on. But he did poke my neck and it HUUURT.

Ah yes, my neck: it hates going to the right especially, but generally it would rather it stays still. Every turn of the head brings dizziness. Bending down to pick stuff up is horrendous. I have electric tingles up and down my neck and spine (I likened this feeling to someone playing me like a xylophone). My arms tingle. My hands sometimes do. I feel nauseous when I do anything strenuous - oh right, but strenuous at the moment means something like getting dressed. I stupidly tried to go into town on Saturday, and almost threw up and fell over in the supermarket. I am confused and slow and cranky. I just want to sleep constantly and I never feel awake anyway. And the doctor wants to put me on diazepam! Christ.

So obviously I'm off work again. I have x-rays tomorrow and the fucking neurologist won't answer his phone but when he does my doctor is trying to rush me down there.

I'm scared, my job is at risk, I can't get off the sofa, there's something wrong with my brain or my neck or my back or all three, to say I am upset and terrified and distressed would be an understatement.

Nothing like breaking a silence with a load of depressing stuff.

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kerriesakura: (Default)

I am sick and tired of vertigo, and all the other stuff that keeps happening with it. I don't know how wise it is but I just want to feel better, so I've booked in to see an osteopath. They can try neck things and jaw things and repositioning things. So yes.

Fed up with this now. Need to not be broken.

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kerriesakura: (Default)
Health update. This bit cut for nightmare stuff )

Vertigo isn't too snazzy at the minute either. I'm going to blame the weather, as it's getting cooler and cold weather sets it going like a monkey with a miniature cymbal. I thought for sure flying at the weekend would completely knacker my ears but it didn't seem to make the slightest difference - two incidents where it was freezing cold resulted in wooziness though. Looks like it's a winter of hats and earmuffs again, then. I don't mind this, especially not hats because hats are ace, but obviously I'd rather NOT have a condition triggered by cold weather while living in a province with Northern in its name.

Mood's alright. Energy needs more caffeine to stay decent than it did before, which is unsatisfactory. Eh. It could be better, but it could be a hell of a lot worse.


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Kerrie Sakura

July 2010

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