Fear Itself (And Monsters) has been updated. With a post about my exhausting, exhausting moodswings and possibly quite ridiculously wearying enthusiasm. I exhaust me, too, is what I'm saying.
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Last entry deleted, due to bollocks.
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The loneliest and most pathetic I've felt in a long time was tonight- walking along a tree-lined road by myself, in a torrential downpour, thinking about my ex-best-friend, iPod having randomly selected On & On by Longpigs, and soaked through because there's a hole in my umbrella.
It doesn't get more gloomy than that. Or more unutterably ridiculous.
I miss her so much.
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I'm a dick.
Basically I got my first Open University essay back last week and, because they don't come with percentages and instead have eight criteria they're measured on, I wasn't sure if I'd done well or not. I got 4 achieved and 4 just achieved. Achieved's the heighest you can get...
But basically I wanted 8 achieveds because I'm something of a perfectionist. And freaked the fuck out because it was like oh god I can't even do the beginners essay how will I ever get a first class degree argh argh ARGH then spent the week being very miserable about it.
Like a TWAT, because now I've talked to the tutor on the phone, I've been told I did one of the best essays in the class... And that I'm ahead with the work, also, the other thing I was freaking out about.
So I've been walking about under a cloud for utterly no reason at all. I'm not clever.
But most importantly... I DIDN'T BUGGER UP!!! :D
And now, sleep. Zzzz
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Friends cut done. Couple of you, sorry. :( It was just a we-never-talk kinda deal and I wish you well.
Couple of the rest of you I am absolutely fucking furious at, and furious at myself for giving you a second chance. Go and find someone else to fucking be your doormat.
In future, self, be less forgiving.
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